Sunday, December 6, 2009

Satire On Saturdays - A Golfer and His Wife

With all the news about Tiger Woods, I thought I would
share this joke with you.  But I would first like to make a
few comments that every man should hear and understand.

whether it be your wife or the mistresses!  I assume many
of you have now heard that one of Tiger's 'other' women
is supposedly getting jealous of all the other gals coming
out of the woodwork.  Duh?!  Did she actually think she
was the only one????  Is that why I've heard that these
women are now being referred to as cockroaches?  It
means 'if you've seen one, you know there's going to be
more coming out after dark'!  How flattering is that?

It's such a shame, the tangled web we weave.  I say not
only shame on Tiger, but shame on the women also, for
knowingly getting involved with a married man.  But they
obviously didn't care that he had a wife and children at
home.  Classy gals, huh? 

And doesn't Tiger know he will be paying dearly for all
of these indiscretions too?  I wonder if he is thinking
if those moments of infidelity were worth it?  Now, not
only his wife, but these other women want some big pay
off money from him, for all that 'fun' he had.

I also believe these other women had no interest in him
other than to have bragging rights that they slept with a
very rich sports celebrity.  I imagine Tiger didn't realize
at the time, that he was being used by these flirtatous
women.  And even if he did, he probably didn't mind,
because he knew he was going to take advantage of
the opportunity to be using them too!  But it's kind of
backfiring on him now! 

Everyone involved probably felt at the time that they
were being pretty adventurous, fun-loving and slick, but
actually there's plenty of stupidity to go around here.  I
think God knew why we shouldn't commit adultery.  Many
are not wise enough to take the time to think about how
much it will complicate their lives (don't forget STD'S too),
not to mention all the people that get hurt in the process also. 
But many think they will never get caught.  Well, they better
wise up, especially now that we're living in this electronic
age of text messages, cell phone cameras, caller ID, e-mails
and voicemails.  That's a lot of stuff to try to cover up! 
How much anxiety that must cause.       
Now this golfer in the joke below was not fooling around
on his wife, so it's not exactly the same situation that Tiger
has gotten himself into, but his actions are idiotic and just
as dangerous, none the less!  

Here's another example of how NOT to treat your wife.

A Letter from Wayne ...

It is important for men to remember that, as women
grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the
same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try to show some understanding.
My name is Wayne, and let me relate how I handled the
situation with my wife, Beverly. 

When I got an early retirement a few years ago, it
became necessary for Bev to get a full-time job, along with
her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health
benefits that we needed. 

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was
beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the
golf course about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always
says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she
starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her
to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner
on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill
at the country club, so eating out again at night is not
reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooking when I hit
that door. 

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished
eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the
table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by
diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that the dishes won't clean themselves. I know she
really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her
to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining. For example,
she will say that it is difficult for her to find time
to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But,
boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile
and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
over two or even three days. That way she won't have to
rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch
completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you
know what I mean). I like to think that this is one of
my strong points. 

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs
more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was
only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a
scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice,
big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just
sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for
herself, she may as well make one for me, too --- or
just bring me a cold beer in a frosted mug.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I
support Bev, and I'm not saying that showing this much
consideration is easy. Nobody knows better than I do how
frustrating women get as they get older, but, guys, even
if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of
your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider
that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are
put on this earth to help each other. 



Wayne died tragically on March 1st of a perforated
rectum. The police report says he was found with a
Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf
club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of
grip showing and with a sledge hammer lying nearby. 

His wife Beverly was arrested and charged with murder.
The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not
Guilty, accepting her defense that Wayne somehow,
without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

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