Satire On Saturdays - Office Christmas Party Memos

Ahhh!  How we've come to include, embrace and pacify

everyone with all of the diverse cultural differences in our

society!  It's enough to drive some of us....well yes, crazy!
Love and patience are definitely virtues!
Go ahead and read what this lady went through while trying
to please everyone....     

Office Christmas Party Memos

December 1st

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas

Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's

Open Pit Barbecue.There will be lots of spiked eggnog

and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to

sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up

dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree!

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that

time; however, no gift should be over $20.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis

Human Resources Director

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December 2nd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude

our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is

an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas

(though unfortunately not this year). However, from now

on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy

applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at

this time. There will be no Christmas tree and only non-

religious, generic Christmas carols will be sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis

Human Resources Director

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December 3rd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member

of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table,

I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget,

if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't

be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts

exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union

members feel that $20 is too much money.

Patty Lewis

Human Researchers Director

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December 7th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to

sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women

closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each

other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men;

each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower

arrangement for the gay men's table.

Happy now?

Patty Lewis

Human Racehorses Director

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December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

People, people - nothing sinister was intended by wanting

our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of

"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil

connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis

Human Rat Races

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December 10th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

Vegetarians - I've had it with you people!! We're going

to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it

or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill

of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only,

including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes

have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.

I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...

Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

The Witch from Hell

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December 14th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a

speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll

continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our

Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd

off with full pay. Hope you all enjoy your own version of
the Holiday!

Terri Bishop

Acting Human Resources Director